Introduction: The Woman Who Dared to Define Herself

If you’ve ever questioned the rules of love, wondered whether traditional relationships are right for you, or felt the pull between independence and intimacy, then Simone de Beauvoir might be the intellectual companion you never knew you needed.

Long before dating apps, ghosting, or “situationships” became part of our daily vocabulary, de Beauvoir was asking radical questions about love, freedom and what it means to be truly yourself within a romantic connection. Known worldwide as a philosopher, feminist, and literary icon, she wasn’t just ahead of her time—she helped shape the very conversations many of us are still having today about gender roles, emotional autonomy, and the power dynamics in relationships.

Born in Paris in 1908, de Beauvoir broke every rule expected of women in her era. She refused to marry, rejected the idea of monogamy as a default, and maintained a lifelong, famously open relationship with fellow philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre. Rather than tether herself to convention, she carved her own path—one based on mutual respect, emotional honesty, and fierce intellectual equality.

Why does any of this matter to you, right now, in your own dating life? Because Simone de Beauvoir didn’t just challenge the old way of doing things—she offered an alternative. A vision of love that didn’t rely on control or sacrifice, but on freedom and choice. And in today’s dating world, where traditional expectations are constantly being redefined, her voice remains one of the most powerful and relevant.

Whether you’re single and exploring, partnered and evolving, or somewhere in between, understanding de Beauvoir’s philosophy can add a meaningful layer to how you approach love, commitment, and connection. As part of our Influential People series, we’ll unpack the life and legacy of this trailblazing thinker, and show how her fearless approach to life and love might just inspire yours.

Origins of a Revolutionary Thinker

Before she became one of the most important feminist voices of the twentieth century, Simone de Beauvoir was simply a young woman with an extraordinary mind and a deep desire to live life on her own terms. Born in Paris in 1908 to a bourgeois Catholic family, she was expected to follow the path many women of her background did at the time: marry well, support her husband, and raise a family. But de Beauvoir had other plans.

She excelled at school, outshining her male classmates and eventually earning a place at the prestigious Sorbonne, where she studied philosophy. It was there, in the intellectual cafés and smoky lecture halls of post-war Paris, that she began forming ideas that would later reshape how we think about love, gender, and freedom.

It was also during this period that she met Jean-Paul Sartre. Their relationship would become one of the most famous and unconventional love stories in modern history. The pair famously crafted a “pact of essential love”, a kind of primary bond that left room for other relationships, emotional or otherwise, as long as they were discussed openly and honestly.

At first glance, this arrangement might seem wild, even off-putting, to some readers. But dig a little deeper and you’ll see that it was built on a foundation many modern daters are seeking today: authenticity, honesty, and mutual respect.

De Beauvoir wasn’t looking to possess or be possessed. She believed in being her own person, fully and completely, even while deeply loving someone else. This belief in individual freedom would become a central theme not just in her personal life, but in all of her work.

Her story reminds us that love does not have to mean surrendering your identity. In fact, the most profound and fulfilling relationships often begin with two people who know who they are, what they believe, and what kind of life they want to lead.

For anyone navigating the dating world, whether you’re swiping on an app or building something long-term, de Beauvoir’s early life offers something powerful: a reminder that the best connections grow when each person feels free to be their truest self.

The Second Sex: A Manifesto for Female Autonomy

If there is one book that cemented Simone de Beauvoir’s place in history, it is The Second Sex. Published in 1949, it wasn’t just a bestseller, it was a bombshell. For the first time, someone was boldly asking: What does it mean to be a woman in a world shaped by men? And more importantly, why had women been cast in the role of the “other” for so long?

De Beauvoir didn’t hold back. She dissected biology, psychoanalysis, history, literature, and daily life, all to uncover how gender had been constructed to keep women in a supporting role rather than as full, independent agents of their own destiny. Her now-iconic line—”One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman”—challenged the notion that femininity was innate. Instead, she argued, it was something shaped by culture, expectations, and the roles women were taught to play from an early age.

Why does this matter to daters today?

Because when you understand that much of what we think of as “normal” in relationships—who leads, who sacrifices, who cares more—is actually the product of centuries of social conditioning, you begin to question everything. That questioning, that curiosity, is where freedom begins.

De Beauvoir’s message was clear: women have the right to define themselves, not in opposition to men, and not through relationships alone, but as full human beings. For modern daters, especially women who are often pressured to mould themselves into what a partner might want, her work is still fiercely empowering.

Dating with autonomy is not about being cold, guarded or distant. It is about knowing who you are, what you value, and refusing to shrink yourself for the sake of fitting into someone else’s mould. It is about choosing connection, not dependence. That kind of clarity doesn’t just lead to healthier relationships, it also makes dating more honest and fulfilling.

So whether you’re navigating casual flings or searching for something deep and lasting, de Beauvoir’s philosophy offers a powerful reminder. You are not defined by your relationship status, your desirability, or your ability to conform. You are defined by who you choose to become—and that’s where real love begins.

Love and Freedom: De Beauvoir’s Revolutionary Take on Romance

Simone de Beauvoir didn’t just theorise about freedom in her writing—she lived it in her love life too. And that’s exactly what makes her story so fascinating for anyone navigating relationships today. While many still chase the fairytale of “happily ever after”, de Beauvoir asked a different question: what if the most meaningful love is one that doesn’t clip your wings?

Her long-term partnership with Jean-Paul Sartre wasn’t conventional, and it wasn’t pretending to be. They famously refused to marry, didn’t live together full time, and allowed each other the freedom to pursue other relationships, as long as everything remained transparent. To some, this might sound chaotic or emotionally risky. But to de Beauvoir, it was a commitment rooted in choice, not obligation.

She believed that love should not be about possession. In fact, she warned that when love becomes a way to control or define another person, it stops being love and starts becoming something more like power. In her view, the healthiest romantic connections are those in which both partners are free to be fully themselves—complete individuals who choose each other, day after day.

What does that mean for modern daters?

It means moving away from the idea that love requires total enmeshment. That needing someone is the same as loving them. That you have to sacrifice your passions or independence to make a relationship work. De Beauvoir flipped the script, showing that love can be strongest when it grows alongside personal freedom.

She was also deeply aware of how gender expectations can warp relationships. When one person is expected to be the caregiver, the emotional anchor, or the dream-facilitator while the other gets to grow, achieve, and explore, that dynamic breeds resentment—not intimacy. For love to flourish, she argued, both people must be free to evolve and express themselves fully.

So whether you’re experimenting with new relationship styles, redefining what commitment means for you, or simply learning how to better communicate your needs, de Beauvoir’s ideas offer a refreshingly honest perspective. Love doesn’t have to mean losing yourself. In fact, when done right, it should help you become even more of who you are.

And that might be the most romantic idea of all.

Lessons for the Modern Dater

It might be tempting to think that Simone de Beauvoir belongs in a dusty philosophy book, far removed from our world of dating apps, voice notes and late-night texting. But the truth is, her views on love and personal freedom are more relevant today than ever. Whether you’re new to dating or have been navigating relationships for years, her philosophy offers practical insight into how to build meaningful connections in a modern world.

Know Yourself Before You Search for Someone Else

One of de Beauvoir’s core messages is that identity should never be defined by a partner. For anyone dating today, this is an important reminder. In a culture that sometimes pressures us to “complete” ourselves through another person, she flips that idea on its head. You don’t need someone else to be whole. In fact, knowing who you are, what you value, and what you want from life is the foundation for any healthy romantic relationship.

This is especially powerful advice in the early stages of dating. Rather than trying to be what you think someone wants, ask yourself: do they fit into the life I’m building for myself? Do they support my growth, or make me shrink? If de Beauvoir taught us anything, it’s that love should never come at the cost of your autonomy.

Equality Isn’t Optional

De Beauvoir challenged the imbalance in traditional relationships, and modern daters are still working to correct that imbalance today. From conversations around emotional labour to the split of household responsibilities, her influence can still be felt. But it goes deeper than that. Emotional equality—where both partners feel heard, respected and empowered—is just as important.

In today’s dating landscape, this might look like open conversations about expectations, mutual respect for each other’s boundaries, and a willingness to grow together without dominance or submission. If you’re serious about building a strong connection, then mutual emotional intelligence and equality aren’t just “nice to have” qualities. They are non-negotiables.

Embrace Choice, Not Convention

Perhaps de Beauvoir’s most radical contribution to love and dating is the idea that every relationship should be consciously chosen. She didn’t just reject marriage and monogamy because she wanted to be provocative. She believed that relationships should be shaped by the individuals in them, not by inherited rules or societal expectations.

This can be incredibly empowering for modern daters. You don’t have to follow the “normal” relationship timeline if it doesn’t suit you. Want to take things slow? Go for it. Prefer a non-traditional dynamic? Own it. The point is to create a connection that reflects your values, rather than trying to squeeze your life into someone else’s template.

Communication is Key

De Beauvoir and Sartre famously wrote letters to one another for decades, often revealing difficult truths and deep emotional insights. They weren’t always easy conversations, but they were honest. In today’s world, where miscommunication is often blamed on technology or emotional unavailability, her approach feels refreshingly bold.

Talking openly about your needs, fears, and feelings might not always be comfortable, but it builds trust and fosters intimacy. De Beauvoir’s life reminds us that difficult conversations can be the most transformative—and that real connection is forged through vulnerability, not just attraction.

Criticism and Complexity

When we talk about someone as bold and boundary-pushing as Simone de Beauvoir, it is important to acknowledge the full picture—including the controversies and contradictions. Because while she challenged norms and inspired generations, her legacy is also layered and, at times, complicated. And that complexity offers valuable lessons for anyone trying to navigate the realities of modern love.

Nobody is Perfect—Even Your Heroes

De Beauvoir’s relationship with Sartre, often romanticised as a radical experiment in freedom, has also come under scrutiny. Some critics point out the emotional toll their arrangement may have had, particularly on the younger women involved in their “secondary” relationships. There have been uncomfortable questions about power dynamics and consent, especially in instances where those women were students or significantly less experienced.

This doesn’t erase the value of her philosophical work, but it does remind us that people—no matter how brilliant—are not flawless. As daters, we can take something useful from this: it is OK to admire someone’s ideas and still hold them accountable for their actions. In relationships, too, we must learn to balance idealism with realism, passion with responsibility.

Complexity in Love is Inevitable

De Beauvoir never claimed that love was simple. In fact, much of her writing suggests the opposite. Love, she argued, is full of tension: between wanting closeness and needing space, between emotional dependence and personal autonomy, between desire and respect. These tensions are not failures. They are the very fabric of what it means to be human and in connection with another.

When you understand this, you stop expecting perfection from your partner, and perhaps more importantly, from yourself. It frees you to embrace the messiness of real love—with its vulnerabilities, its compromises, and its occasional contradictions.

The Ongoing Debate Around Her Legacy

Even within feminist circles, de Beauvoir’s legacy is debated. Some admire her fearless intellect and groundbreaking work. Others critique her perceived elitism, or question why certain aspects of her personal life are overlooked in the telling of her story. But this kind of ongoing dialogue is exactly what she would have welcomed.

In dating, as in life, you are allowed to evolve your views. You can rethink old beliefs, question norms, and make room for more nuance. The people we date, like the thinkers we admire, will be complex. Relationships are not moral tests, but opportunities to learn, grow, and figure out what really matters to you.

De Beauvoir’s Lasting Legacy

Simone de Beauvoir may have passed away in 1986, but her ideas are very much alive. From university lecture halls to online relationship forums, her voice still echoes in the way we talk about equality, autonomy and what it means to love freely. And for anyone navigating the modern dating world, her legacy offers more than just historical interest. It offers a blueprint for conscious, intentional connection.

More Than a Feminist Icon

It is easy to place de Beauvoir in the category of “feminist icon” and leave it at that. But she was far more than a symbol. She was a relentless questioner, a thinker who urged people to interrogate the assumptions behind the roles they played—not just in society, but in love.

Today, when conversations about gender identity, non-monogamy, and emotional labour are becoming more mainstream, her work feels almost prophetic. The very idea that relationships should be built on freedom and mutual respect, rather than outdated scripts, is something many people are only just beginning to explore. She was making that case nearly a century ago.

A Quiet Influence on Pop Culture and Modern Love

You might not see her name on your dating app, but Simone de Beauvoir is in the background of so many modern conversations about love. When you read a think piece on emotional independence, watch a film where the heroine chooses herself over the fairytale ending, or hear a friend say they are not interested in marriage but still believe in commitment, you are witnessing her influence.

Her insistence that love must be chosen, not imposed, is a principle echoed in everything from contemporary dating advice to the rise of ethical non-monogamy and relationship coaching. She invited us to move past rigid definitions and find something more authentic—and that idea has quietly transformed how we think about intimacy today.

A Guide for Future Relationships

As dating continues to evolve, and as more people look beyond tradition for something more fulfilling, de Beauvoir’s legacy will only become more important. She taught us that relationships are not just about finding someone to share your life with—they are also about becoming more fully yourself in the process.

For daters at any stage, her philosophy encourages something deeper than compatibility. It asks for curiosity. It asks for courage. And above all, it asks for honesty—not just with others, but with ourselves.

Conclusion: The Relevance of De Beauvoir in a Swipe-Right World

Simone de Beauvoir’s influence stretches far beyond the pages of philosophy or feminist theory. Her voice continues to shape the conversations we have about love, freedom and what it means to build relationships that genuinely reflect who we are. In a world where swiping left or right can sometimes feel like the height of modern romance, her wisdom invites us to look deeper.

Embracing Love as a Choice

If there is one lesson de Beauvoir offers modern daters, it is that love should be a conscious choice, not a default setting. She challenged us to break away from expectations and to carve out connections that are based on authenticity and mutual respect. That spirit of intentionality—choosing to love, choosing to grow, and choosing to stay true to yourself—can make dating not just more meaningful but more exciting too.

Staying Curious, Staying Free

Whether you are just beginning to explore relationships, finding your way through the complexities of modern dating, or re-evaluating what you want from partnership, de Beauvoir’s philosophy remains a valuable guide. She reminds us that it is perfectly acceptable to question, to change our minds, and to look for new ways of loving that fit who we are right now.

Taking Inspiration from a True Original

De Beauvoir was never afraid to live—and love—on her own terms. By following her example, we can all find the courage to approach relationships with open eyes and open hearts. We can see that the most powerful connections are not built on conformity, but on freedom and honesty.

So, as you navigate the highs and lows of dating in the digital age, remember that you are not alone in your search for something real. Simone de Beauvoir walked this path before us, questioning, challenging and daring to love authentically. Her legacy invites us to do the same, making each connection we form not just a chance for romance, but an opportunity for growth, discovery and true self-expression.

Here’s to writing your own love story—one that is honest, brave and uniquely yours.