Being in a relationship whether married or not there may come a time for some who have spent the good part of a decade (or more) together and then decided to call it a day. It happens and the break up may not be happy or cheap, but the decision has been made and it’s time to move on. This decision is not always an easy one but a necessary one and afterwards that sense of freedom can either be a welcoming change or offer a person that sense of dread that they will never find another someone again. Starting again after being in a long term relationship can be daunting for some, yet what daters have to remember is to not limit yourselves to what you are looking for in a new relationship.
Obviously you are going to be a little more cautious when out with potential partners, you may be looking for traits your Ex had and avoid them like the plague. Or you may be looking for personalities in dates that match the person you lost and try to recreate them. Whatever you are looking for, go in with an open mind. Bottom line, never judge a book by its cover. At least read the first few chapters before you make up your mind.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who had ended a relationship with their partner after 10 years. When asked ‘What are you looking for in a date, a list of requirements was reeled off including appearance (usually the first attraction), no tattoos, non smoker, good income, etc. The list quite evidently could go on. Whilst I appreciate the need for boxes to be ticked, the list that was given described the Ex to a ‘T’. It was also the same list my friend had before meeting the now Ex and the Ex before that. This list did not change as my friend had. Nor did this list have any bearing on the personalities of the Ex’s.
When dating try to leave the tick sheet at home, this list may be what you want but not necessarily what you need. You won’t know what you are looking for until you find it. The more desperate you are to find the perfect someone you want, the harder it will be to actually get the person you are really looking for. Be open to change, you may surprise yourself. A relationship grows when two people are together, there is no possible way to know if it will work. A date who does not tick all the boxes may be the person you spend the rest of your life with. That’s if you haven’t dismissed them before you’ve met them.
So the next time you’re free and log onto that dating website just remember to widen your search a little, are your requirements really that necessary? Change is a part of life, embrace it and allow yourself to change with the process. Starting again may close one chapter, but another one will always open with a new beginning.
