Whether you are struggling with finding a suitable partner after months of unsuccessful dates or are just beginning to dip your toes in the dating pool after a long term relationship – having realistic expectations is essential if you are going to be able to develop a long term relationship.
Basing your ideal date on an idealised notion of a movie star or supermodel can help you to visualise what type of person you like but holding them to unrealistic standard will only hurt your chances of true happiness. Looking back on your longer and more successful relationships, it is likely that your partners didn’t really resemble your celebrity crushes and dream all that much and it was other factors and features that made them attractive to you.
If you regret dismissing some partners with potential in the past due, it may be time to make an effort to change your mindset and approach to dating. Here are some key tips to keep in mind to make sure you are maintaining realistic expectations and not cutting out great potential matches based upon unrealistic ideals.
Think About What You Really Need from a Relationship
Your first step is to sit down and truly take the time to think about what a successful relationship looks like to you. Idealised figures and romantic movie scenes usually have very little to do with the day to day reality of a relationship. Thinking about what you really want and need from a partner should help you to put unrealistic expectations into perspective.
Be Prepared to Mix It Up
If you have previously only dated a certain type and are still single. You might want to consider branching out and widening the pool a little. You could be missing out on fantastic matches if you immediately dismiss somebody because they’re a few inches short of your ideal, or don’t have your preferred hair colour!
Reassess Your Priorities
Lots of us hold onto the partner ideals for years and years without really assessing why we are so intent on pursuing this type of person. The person you were when you were 21 and the person you are at 26 are likely to be hugely different, and your life goals and priorities will change yet again in your 30s and 40s. We need to rethink what we are looking for in our partners accordingly, don’t disregard a promising new match just because they don’t fit an ideal you came up with five years ago and have been sticking to ever since.
What Are Your Real Deal Breakers?
Along with assessing your current priorities, you also need to think about your realistic dealbreakers. In todays fast and brutal world of online dating, some people can be a little too fast to write people off for trivial reasons. Fixating on ultimately unimportant factors can mean that you are ruling out people who would be perfect for you when it comes to the key factors in a relationship.
