If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, then you will have experienced some disagreements, moments of tension, and misunderstandings. If dealt with healthily these moments can be a way to work through problems, discover more about each other and ultimately strengthen the relationship. But you need to learn how to approach open communication and what relationship pitfalls to avoid. You can get started by taking a look at our Top 5 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship.
Take the Time to Process How You Are Feeling
Before letting your emotions run away with you, take some deep breaths and spend some moments thinking about and acknowledging how you are feeling. Hurtful things said in the heat of the moment can be damaging to a relationship and make a poor situation even worse. So, your first step should be to give yourself some time to regroup, get your thoughts in order, and decide how you want to move forward.
You can calmly walk to another room or even go outside for a walk. Don’t just storm out, explain what you are about to do and do it. After just five minutes you should find yourself a lot less emotionally fraught and more capable of carrying on a reasonable conversation.
Consider Timing When Talking About Big Subjects
If you need to talk about a big topic with your partner, it is important to think about timing. If you know you have to bring up a subject that they are going to be upset by, blurting it out when they come home tired and stressed from work is unlikely to go well.
Wait until your partner is settled and you are both in a calm and quiet state. Then let your partner know you would like to have a discussion with them about something serious.
When you do start to have the conversation make sure your partner doesn’t feel attacked or ambushed with accusations. Talk about how you feel, what you are worried about, and what needs to be done. Make sure to start your sentences with “I feel…” “I think…” which may help you to do this.
Remember that important conversations aren’t there to be “won” by one partner, instead, you should focus on how both of you can win by coming up with a solution that serves both you and your relationship.
Remember To Listen
When you feel passionate about a subject or are absolutely certain that you are right, it can be tempting to try to railroad the conversation and force your opinion across, even talking over and ignoring your partner entirely.
Obviously, this is not a healthy way to approach any conversation, and if this is a regular habit of yours you could be causing real damage to your relationship.
So, make sure that you take the time to listen to why your partner may disagree with you. It’s possible that if you take the time to understand their viewpoint, a mutually agreeable solution may arrive quite quickly.
State your thoughts and feeling calmly and clearly and then leave space in the conversation where you will really listen to what is being said to you and make the effort to understand your partner’s point of view. Of course, they should be doing the same for you, if they aren’t great at this perhaps consider coming up with some communication rules and guidelines you should both follow the next time you disagree.
Be Open to Compromise
No matter how well-intentioned you both are, sometimes it will be impossible to resolve an issue without either one or both partners giving way a little. Weigh up how important you getting your way is against the importance of maintaining the strength and health of your relationship.
Whether it’s a disagreement about how to use a spare room, what to do about a job offer in a new town, or how to handle a family issue, think about if you could give way in certain areas and you partner in others. Working together for the ultimate good of your relationship will involve some sacrifices from both of you here and there.
Set Up Some Clear Boundaries When You Are Both Calm
We are all built differently psychologically and what may be a huge trigger to one person may not seem all that big of a deal to another. That’s why it is important to establish communication boundaries you don’t cross even when you are arguing.
If someone finds it very hurtful for a certain subject to be brought up, you should both agree that there is no reason to do so in a discussion that concerns something else entirely. All too often when we get heated, we do everything we can to “win” the fight and that can result in stories told in confidence, family secrets, and sore subjects being brought up over and over again.
