Staying friends with your ex after a breakup seems like such a good idea. You’ve been together for a while, you’ve enjoyed each other’s company, no-one knows you like they do. But can exs be friends after break up? What are the odds things will blow up in your face? Take a look at these six questions you need to ask yourself before staying friends with your ex.
Can Exs Be Friends Question # 1 : How was the Break-up?
What was the break-up like? Was there a lot of crying, upset, and animosity? Did someone cheat on somebody else? Can you imagine enjoying their company after what happened? Can you imagine them wanting to spend any time with you? If the break-up was messy and angry, chances are you’ll want to just cut ties altogether and stay on the safe side.
Question # 2: Are you still Attracted?
Ending a relationship with some doesn’t mean you instantly switch off all your feelings- and that includes your attraction to them. If you’re still attracted to your ex, you have to consider whether you’ll be able to hang around with them without wanting to put the moves on. Is there a chance you’ll be spending a lot of one-on-one time with them that might lead to something more? Because nothing ruins a break-up like post break-up sex.
Question # 3: Where do your Emotions lie?
Even if you’re not particularly attracted to your ex any more, chances are you still do have some feelings towards them. They might go away really quickly and leave you seeing you ex as nothing more than a friend, but if you were the dumpee of the relationship, you might struggle with feelings for them for a while longer. Spending time with them in a platonic way isn’t going to make those feelings vanish, it just makes things awkward for everyone.
Question # 4: Can you Stand a New Man?
Being comfortable with being platonic with your ex is one thing; actually seeing her with another guy is quite another. No matter how relaxed you are about your ex, it can be really difficult seeing her move on, especially if she’s found someone new before you have. Competition can spark old feelings back to life, and it’s worth considering how you would actually cope if you had to spend time with, or even hear about, a potential new partner. Also worth considering: how would she feel about you with a new woman?
Question # 5: Do you Want to Move On?
Many people make the mistake of staying friends with their ex out of a sense of formality: they want to prove that they are mature enough to spend time with someone they’re not dating any more. But do you just want to move on? It can be hard to get over your ex if you’re still spending time with them, and sometimes relationships are actually better when they’re just left behind. Why do you want to stay friends with your ex? If you can’t come up with any compelling reasons, just let go.
Question # 6: Can You Forgive Each Other?
Any break-up can cause a whole lot of pain, especially if someone has been deceitful or difficult. If you’re still angry at your ex, or she’s still angry with you, you’ll need to talk about working through your difficulties if you’re to remain friends. Sometimes, though? Trying to forgive someone of something so big it ended a relationship is impossible.
If you decide not to stay friends with your ex, it’s not a failure: it’s maturity. Provided you make the situation clear to her, and she knows and understands and agrees with the reasons that you guys can’t stay friends, you can look forward to the future footloose and ex-free.
So what do you think? Can exs be friends after break up? What has been your experience in the past? Comment below to share your thoughts.
